Lies Between Brothers
by criminalxxxmindsxxxfreak
Summary: Season 8 spoilers - Sam told Dean he didn't look for him when he was in Purgatory. Sam told Dean he'd been happy. Sam told Dean he was living a normal life while he was gone. Sam lied. My version of what Sam's year was really like. AU for some of season 8. Oneshot.


**Title: **Lies Between Brothers

**Rating: **K+

**Warnings: **Season 8 Spoilers

**A/N: **Alright, this is short but I had to write it. It was driving me insane that Sam didn't look for Dean and I had to fix it. It's AU in the sense that Sam's year without Dean was very different from what we're being shown. Because I can't accept what Sam said happened. Not yet at least…

Please review and let me know what you think!

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**Lies Between Brothers**

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Dean looked up from the greasy burger he was eating when he heard the sound of cracking plaster and his brother's angry grunt. Sam was standing a few feet in front of him, a deep frown on his face, fists balled tight. There was a dent in the motel wall.

"Mind tellin' me what the wall did to you?" Dean asked, raising a brow.

Sam shook his head, attempting to ignore Dean and planning on staying silent. After a moment, however, that just wasn't going to happen.

"We need to talk," the words were hard and half desperate as Sam finally met Dean's clouded gaze. Dean looked away then, shaking his head at his younger brother.

"Not now, Sam, we already talked about Benny –"

"That's not it," Sam shook his head and yanked out the chair opposite Dean, sitting down and swallowing heavily, "I don't want to talk about your friendly neighborhood vampire…"

Dean narrowed his eyes suspiciously and studied Sam. Any time Sam wanted "to talk" and it didn't involve anything he could remember that might have pissed him off, it was a bad sign they were about have a chick flick moment and he did not need that right now.

"Then what?"

"Look, Dean, I get that you don't want to talk about Purgatory, those can't exactly be happy memories for you, but you know that I'm here if you ever need to… But I can't keep doing this anymore,"

"Doing what?" Dean's voice was sharp as he stared at Sam. Something had put his brother on edge and it was starting to scare him a little. He couldn't remember the last time he saw that look in Sam's eyes. Half broken, half terrified and all kinds of crazy.

The words came fast and jumbled and it actually took Dean a second to understand what Sam had said. "I lied,"

"What else is new?" Dean muttered, not even phased by his brother's words, just watching him and waiting for him to drop whatever he was about to drop. It was something bigger than just a lie, he could tell that much.

"Dean… I'm serious, okay. You asked me if I looked for you when you were gone and I said that I didn't, but I lied…"

Slowly, Dean put down the burger and stared at Sam, not saying anything for the longest thirty seconds.

"What?"

"I did look for you, Dean, I looked everywhere. For almost four months I tried to find you, I even tried praying to Cas, but I barely knew where to start. I figured… I figured that Dick, when you killed him he had to go to Purgatory, right? So I was pretty sure that was where you and Cas were, but I couldn't find a way to get into Purgatory for you…"

"So you just gave up?" Dean's voice wasn't as sharp as it had been a second ago, but something still wasn't adding up.

Sam hesitated, "Not… not exactly…"

"What does that mean? 'Not exactly'? And what about that girl… that Amelia or whatever? Thought you were with her?"

"I was," Sam nodded, "I… had a run in with a Leviathan and the thing almost took my head off and I was freaked and alone and driving too fast and I hit a dog and I couldn't… I couldn't just leave it so I took it to a vet and that's where I met her and then I took the dog and…" Sam stopped, his words tumbling out all choking and broken and not making a whole lot of sense to Dean at the moment.

"And I stuck around for a couple of months and Amelia was nice and… for the first time in a long time I felt normal and I felt… I felt like I could just have a life."

And there he stopped altogether, staring down at his hands. Dean frowned at him, eyes burning into him.

"Don't stop there, Sam," he said, "If you're gonna tell me the whole story, tell it."

Sam looked up again and met Dean's eyes, "And then there were all these deaths happening in the town, people being attacked and having their hearts taken. I couldn't just ignore it so I was hunting the werewolf, but I… I didn't tell Amelia and she followed me one night after I left and…" again his words choked and Dean felt his chest tighten. Sam didn't really need to finish the story anymore, but he knew if he didn't force the words out now, they might never come.

"And I didn't realize it until it was too late and it killed her…" his voice was hollow, "And after that I couldn't… I just couldn't do it anymore, Dean. I'm so tired of losing people because of _this_," he waved his hand around the motel room and shook his head, "And I didn't have anyone left and I couldn't get to you and I just… gave up. I quit."

Silence fell over the small motel room for almost a full minute before Dean spoke again, "Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, "Why lie about it?"

Sam pressed his lips together, "I couldn't… I didn't want to talk about it, Dean," he said, "You'd just gotten out of freakin' Purgatory and if you could've seen the look in your eyes… Besides… I could barely think about it, let alone talk about it."

Dean was quiet and he nodded, letting out a long, deep breath before a dark smirk lit his face.

"You know, Sammy," he said, "I think we might be able to avoid half the problems we have if we'd just stop lying to each other."

Sam's returning smile was just as dark and bitter, "Yeah, probably,"

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**Fin**

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**A/N: **Better? Worse? Meh, I dunno how I feel about it, but this is what I choose to think really happened while Dean was in Purgatory.


End file.
